When you sit down to write, I think it’s a good idea to write about writing for a little bit. It gets you to start to think about what you’re doing, and why you’re here, and— but it’s also almost like that feeling when someone says something like “you’re breathing” and you suddenly become conscious of your breathing and you—
Automatic writing is when you write automatically / when you write without thinking: You write whatever comes to your head without judgement / judging or editing or whatever or anything. It’s taking your stream of consciousness and putting it down on the paper / screen with no middle step. It’s sharing the scrappiest fiddle you can possibly share. It’s hard to get any more open than this.
Unfortunately, most of us think much faster than we can write, so what you end up getting down is not your first thought, but often your second or third. I find that most of the things I’m writing now are my second or third thoughts. Sometimes my first thought gets written down if I’m lucky, but that often means I’ve intentionally slowed down my thinking, which is artificial: It’s not completely transparent: I’ve self-moderated.
Automatic writing is not a surrealist invention, but it’s clearly linked with surrealist automatism, where the artist creates something in this same exact automatic way, whether that’s a dance or a scribble or a whatever. And I increasingly think that it’s what I do when I perform music or write on my blog or make anything. I mean, I think it’s what I always do and what I’ve always done. The only change is that I’ve tried to make myself a setup where I can do this better and quicker over the years.
And of course, I’ll often go back and present my automatic pieces in slightly more polished— No, not polished: I’ll present my / I’ll wrap up my work in a dressing that says something about my relationship to that automatic piece and my thoughts / interpretation of it. Automatic thoughts are like dreams (this is the surrealist angle) and we can’t help but make them mean something symbolic. You don’t need to try to do it on purpose: It happens on its own: It’s automatic.
But the way we interpret an automatic piece can be / is also part of the piece itself. Art is about relationship and that can— includes the relationship you have to your own artwork.
Honestly I see so much art that is— The danger of automatic writing is that you might say / think something rude that you don’t really want to say, or you think you don’t want to say it but if— that’s your self-moderation talking. Let yourself flow:
I see so much art that lacks soul / realness / feeling / emotion. I can’t— After alpaca festival I couldn’t help thinking that something felt like it was missing: and I had a couple conversations with people there when I was there about it.
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No! I want to keep going. I find that the whole live coding and algorithmic pattern movement is so so focused on technique and technology (and I use “technology” loosely here) that it sometimes comes across quite cold to me (and maybe you think I’m coming across quite cold here but I’m not: I’m— if anything I’m coming across too warm / hot) because I don’t get or see the link from pattern making to emotion and back, or at least it doesn’t feel explicitly linked to me. Numbers and maths are just that: Numbers and maths. They can express anything: including emotions but not necessarily emotions. I wonder if I’ll actually publish this.
I often get myself pretty worked up when I do automatic writing and
Things bubble up that I didn’t / don’t expect to be a / bubble up / problem. But maybe
it feels quite exposing: it makes / can make you feel naked, I think. but it also feels honest and truthful. it’s saying: this is who i am (this is what I’m thinking). i might be wrong i might be right. i might even know / think some of my thoughts are wrong or incomplete or poorly expressed or formed but at the very least they’re real: i know they’re real, which is more than what i can say for many things
when you read my automatic writing / when i read your non-automatic writing. you don’t have to try to second guess me / figure out what I’m saying / thinking / what i really think. this is the truth. when i read you, i need to read between the lines. when i— without automatic writing, i can’t / don’t get to see the raw unfiltered you. i only get the four steps later moderated version. give me the “from scratch” one please.
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