Sometimes I need to build up towards writing a personal post.
This blog post— In this blog post I’ll—
What does it really feel like?
I think there are two main reasons why it’s good to share and understand this:
I can’t tell you that. Because everyone’s experience of being trans is completely different, just like everyone’s experience of anything is completely different.
It’s hard to put into words— precisely what it is that is “feeling”— the feeling of being trans because I don’t know and can’t know which feelings relate to that and which ones relate to everyone and which ones relate to me personally. I don’t know for sure, I can’t really know what’s going on in other people’s heads or feelings. I can only guess what feels different to me compared to everybody else, and what feels the same to all other trans people.
Of course, my experience is drastically different to binary trans women and trans men. But it will also be drastically different to the experience of other non-binary and genderfluid people.
All I can do is tell you how I feel. All I can do is tell you how I feel. All I can do is tell you how I feel.
Empathy can only be a good thing! I think that sharing feelings and experiences is good because it brings us closer together, and we’ll look after each other better.
Some people who read this blog develop a parasocial relationship with me. They begin to think that they know me very well because I share some personal things on here. And they assume that I share everything. But I don’t!
I actually share very little, and you don’t know me at all.
But very occasionally, I feel compelled to share a personal story or experience. When I do this, I usually explain why. For example, in my conversion therapy post, I give my reasons near the bottom.
In this case, my reasons are as—
I want to demystify transness more. It’s sometimes seen as some strange thing but for me it’s normal, mind-numbingly normal and boring.
In my experience, some people don’t believe me when I say I’m trans or non-binary or whatever. I think that so much of trans experience is based on belief. I expect you to believe me when I say I’m trans, and you might just think it’s something that I’ve decided or invented or come up with. But it’s not. It’s something that’s rooted in feelings I’ve felt my whole life and had no escape from. I didn’t choose to be this way. There is no other way I can be. I can only be me. I can’t be anyone else.
And there are plenty of people out there who feel similar or the same as me, or experience some reflection of my feelings, and they might be feeling lost or alone as I once did. And it feels like the right thing to share my feelings for those people too.
There are some people out there who don’t feel right, and they can’t quite put their finger on it. And they might be trans, and by sharing my experiences, it might help them get closer to looking after themselves. They might realise that they are trans, or they might realise that they aren’t trans. Either way, I think it could help
In this blog I will tell you how it feels for me to trans. Of course, my feelings will be completely different to everyone else’s— every other trans person’s. But I’ll share mine. Here’s what “being trans” feels like to me.
Okay now that I’ve got that out my system, I think I’m ready to write the blog post for real now. Come back in one to a hundred days to read it, depending on how long I take.
Back to the wikiblogarden.