my life has sometimes felt complicated

with all its puzzles quests and fights, with all its stresses pressures and nervous waits.

all the questions i have, they build up and overwhelm me. like why are we here? and what should i do? and what does it mean? and… does this happen to you too?

yes life has sometimes— often felt complicated.

hell, even figuring out who i am or what i’m— what i want to do, is something i haven’t even, even now i don’t know, it’s too complicated!

i guess i still find my life complicated, at times, a lot, nearly all the time. and i wish it could all stop, just for a moment, just to keep me— give me a break, so that i could catch up, though i doubt i would.

she tapped her glass and called our attention and everyone stopped their talking to look over

“now i just want to say”

she spoke while nodding

“that we’re really”

nodding

“really ever so proud of you all”

i sat there

“for everything”

i felt like i needed

“all the wonderful things”

to pay attention

“you’re all doing”

it felt important

“but i want to say”

i needed to

“that whatever happens”

show i was

“we just hope”

my face began to hurt

“we just hope that you’re happy”

and my face grew sore, trying to maintain attention but not slipping

“that’s all we hope for”

and really, in that moment of my complicated life, everything seemed simple

the final time i saw you, you didn’t remember saying that

“well i don’t remember saying that, but if i did, i’m glad i did”

and in some ways you said it again

Tessa Bedwell, 1938-2024